An Artist On Hold

WRITTEN BY COMPANY MEMBER KELSEY SHEPPARD

I spent the past week fully immersed in the world of tap dance. I was offered a job as an assistant registrar for the New York City Tap Festival several months ago and agreed to take the position out of a unique combination of love and financial necessity. I entered the week expecting to enjoy myself. I also expected not to have time to go through my usual actor motions: submitting for auditions, waiting on line for open calls, etc. This would be a week where I would work in the presence of art to finance my life, but I would place myself as an artist on hold—or so I thought.

The week itself was a roller coaster ride. Some days I found myself buried in administrative problems; on others, I was without much work at all, albeit responsible for making sure things were running smoothly. While I am an avid tap dancer myself, my duties as assistant registrar left me unable to take any classes, leaving most of my days at the dance festival devoid of any dancing! I was, however, able to see each evening’s show, and I was especially struck by one performance.

As a part of Thursday’s show, Tap & Song, tapper Kazu Kumagai offered a piece to Bob Dylan’s The Times They Are a-Changin’. I was floored. I had anticipated to be wowed by his technical precision, but I found his piece amazing and inspiring for a totally unexpected reason. Armed with little more than his feet, two musicians and Dylan’s powerful lyrics, Kumagai told a story. He walked onstage and began to speak with his feet, and He seemed to have an incredibly clear idea of what he was saying and I, from the back of the balcony, was able to hear him.

I was reminded how very simple storytelling can be. In an age where there is so much pressure to provide spectacle (and production costs seem to be forever on the rise), it is refreshing to see art that strives just to communicate an idea. It seemed as though Kumagai knew the truth of what he was saying and then said it, and with only that, it reached out and touched me as a member of the audience.

In the middle of a work-week where I expected to find little that would inspire me as an actor, I saw an element of storytelling illuminated that will change the choices I make in my own artistic career. The experience also reminded me that all art, not just theatre, can influence our lives and our work as actors.

Most importantly, I was reminded that, even amidst the freelancing/temping/money-finding aspects of this career, growth as an actor will never cease. An artist on hold is impossible.

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My Team

WRITTEN BY ASSOCIATE COMPANY MEMBER MISCHA IPP

Before I begin this exploration of team, I want to acknowledge Maya Angelou. I write this on her day of passing and her poem "Still I Rise" resonates through my mind. I am truly grateful for what she gave this world.

I have come to understand the profound importance 'my team' has both personally and professionally in my life. I am primarily an actor and producer and the team of people that I surround myself with is what keeps me afloat, raises my excellence and brings me joy. Sometimes I notice acquaintances of mine have friends, family or partners that are dis-empowered, fearful and negative and I wonder how they handle it. It is hard enough being an artist without having to deal with people bringing you down. I couldn't do it without 'my team'; those who help me Rise.

I have surrounded myself with wise, motivated, brave and hilarious people who are my role models and confidants. When I have a day that brings me to tears because I haven't had enough sleep and I feel under-acknowledged, I have multiple people I can reach out to that will listen to me, love me, support me and give me brilliant advice to help me Rise. On a day when I can't see where I will get my next acting role, and I start to doubt my talent and worth, I have people there to remind me who I am, what I'm up to and help me Rise. On a day when I work with artists who have a different style, taste and level of experience to me, and I want to pull my hair out because I feel so unsatisfied by the work being created, 'my team' help me Rise. These same people are my role models when it comes to how they deal with their own challenges. They watch inspiring videos, read motivational articles and books, meditate with Deepak Chopra and participate in personal development courses like Tony Robbins, Landmark Education and The Virtues Project. They share their inspiration with me and those around them. They get knocked down, they take risks, they fail, but they get back up and continue to Rise.

On a more professional note, I started 7 Centaur Productions and Little y Theatre Company with friends/fellow artists and these companies have managed to produce over 15 film projects, 8 plays, won multiple awards and been awarded grants equaling to many thousands of dollars. My partners through past and current projects - Stevie Cruz-Martin, Georgia King, Alexis Davis, Heloise Wilson, Conrad Le Bron and Josh Makinda - became my right leg. I can’t take a step forward without their hard work, mental and emotional support and incredible integrity. I will share a particularly difficult time when 'My Team" became everything. After spending a year collaborating with Georgia King and Alexis Davis devising a play called "Scent Tales", finding a brilliant director to join the team and being accepted to perform the production at The Blue Room Theatre which included a small grant, free theatre space, equipment and marketing support we faced a tragedy. Alexis passed away in a car accident. Alexis had become a dear friend, co-producer, co-writer and co-actor in my life and all of a sudden she was no longer with us. What to do? Do we cancel the show? You can imagine how many people I called on to help me through this time. We decided to do the show in Alexis' name, and promised each other that every production we do from that moment forward would honor her further.

"Scent Tales" went on to have a sell out season, won Best Production at The Blue Room Theatre Awards amongst other award nominations and wins and was awarded a huge grant to tour the show around Western Australia. If I had a partner who was pressuring me to earn more money - for example; or if my parents were insisting I choose another career path; or if my friends were all in regular day jobs and didn't understand what it was to be an artist, it would have been incredibly difficult to get through that period because I needed all the support I could get. I know that you can't choose your family or (sometimes) who you work with, and I believe that it is important to love and respect the people around you regardless of circumstance or opinion; but you can choose your friends and partners. And it is that choice that could be the very key you needed to Rise to your next level of success.

"My team" rejuvenate me and profoundly shape who I am. I do my best to be there for them as much as they are for me, and to be an inspiration in how I deal with challenges, just as they are for me. And with that kind of give and take commitment, I can only imagine we will create a powerful cyclical tornado, going up, up and UP!

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A Challenge

WRITTEN BY THEATRE EAST COMPANY MEMBER DARLENE HOPE

I would like to challenge each of you to do something. As we increase our exposure to technology, we are losing something incredibly valuable. So much of our contents is shaved down to bite sized morsels that we are losing our ability to sustain quiet, focused attention for significant periods of time. Theatre folk have been sensing this for a while now, as audiences have grown bored of sitting still for 2 hours of storytelling. But I think the problem is much, much worse. We are losing the benefit of public gathering altogether. Think about it. Today, I'm going to see Capt America, but movies are now all about bigger and louder ways to shock you...just to hold your attention. Music is more chaotic. Simple melodies are a thing of the past. And the news, wow! You've got 15 different sources of info on the screen, 3 ticker tapes...and it's not like you are watching it anyway. You've got the sound up, while you multi-task in another room.

I sat in church today and was sorely grieved because the pastor kept asking folks to hold still during the sermon. Why are people wandering around during service? Who knows! I doubt even they know! All sorts of beeps and chimes and tones echoed throughout the hall, and the people around me could not stop wiggling and squirming, fidgeting and playing with things. It's very very very sad. We are turning into a populace with the attention span of a toddler.

So here is my challenge. Counter your exposure to this blaring stimuli overexposure by choosing to adopt moments of quiet reflection into your day. Meditate. Just sit in quiet solitude. Check out an old edition of some classic novel from your local library and force yourself to read it. Magazines, newspapers, blogs, and even new books won't do. They are too full of visual stimuli. Old editions are best because the typeface will be different. Even if you sit alone in a room and listen (without visual) to classical music from historical composers. And prayer. Prayer is most effective because it causes you to wait on god and engage faith, focusing your attention on things that you cannot see or hear.

I hope to do this more in life myself. Because what I saw today was scary. If we embrace a stimuli driven world, without regard to discipline, self-control, maturity, reflection, or solace, we will turn into another Roman Empire...burning people upside down, feeding them to lions, boiling them alive in oil all for the entertainment of cheering spectators. We may already be only a step away.

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Issues of Quantity and Quality

WRITTEN BY THEATRE EAST COMPANY MEMBER KIRE TOSEVSKI

New York City actors, especially the young and unestablished in the industry, are incredibly busy people. If we're not prepping, cramming, submitting, sending, spending, responding, and following-up; if we're not listening, attending, promoting, respecting, risking, trusting or diving into; if we're not being seen, seeing, catching up on and marathoning; if we're not sweating and stretching and toning, hoo-ing, and ha-ing - then the fear of not doing becomes overwhelming. And our culture of online sharing doesn't exactly help. A few minutes of scrolling through social media feeds and those other actors you went to school with suddenly become giants of the industry, well on their way to the kind of success you gave up on because you decided to take a moment for yourself.

The demands of such a challenging career inside of a highly competitive marketplace can easily be viewed as ample justification for such a stream of constant activity. But is it really effective for the struggling actor who lacks union membership and formal representation? The pressure to constantly do and be involved in, and say "Yes" to can be incredibly high for those actors seeking some form of commercial success but who are operating without regular access to premium auditions. I'm constantly looking to fill my calendar with as much actor activity as I can, but recently I've grown weary of this approach, one that seems to favor quantity over quality. I'm not denying that quantitative "plant a thousand seeds" approach is useful.. That's what I've been doing. Just like every other actor I know.

This need to perform a constant barrage of actions with the intention of making meaningful contributions to our craft and careers can lead to qualitative oversight. And quality matters. Especially when it comes to the work itself. I'm not talking about whether the writing was good, or the directing was bad, or the production level was high. I simply mean that it stokes the fires of passion for the craft. It nurtures the artist self. It "replenishes the well" as Julia Cameron puts it in her book The Artist's Way. It's a great thing to receive, especially when you're feeling less like an artist and more like a commodity.

So how does one help improve the chances of a quality experience? Simply put, we can't. It's not possible (nor is it advisable) for us to judge what the value of some action or experience will be before deciding to perform it or getting involved. If we did that we would never take a risk, never experience the wonder of witnessing a surprising turn of events. All we can really do is go into things with open hearts and positive attitudes, and with better management of our time lead happier, healthier artistic lives.

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In Defense of "No"

WRITTEN BY THEATRE EAST COMPANY MEMBER CASEY HAYES-DEATS

There is a reason why all toddlers go through a period when “no” is their favorite word. It is a simple, yet powerful, word that allows us to exercise control over our own experiences for the first time. “No, I don’t want to go to bed.” “No, I don’t want to eat my vegetables.” “No, I will not share my toy.” Ironically, as we get older, and arguably have more sense as to what experiences are in our best interest, we forget the affection we once felt for “no.” We become afraid of the word. We feel guilty for using it. We agree to dates we don’t want to go on. We accept responsibilities we aren't interested in having.

As an actor, I think it is especially easy to forget the joy of “no." We face so much rejection on a day-to-day basis that we become desperate for an opportunity to hear and say, “Yes!” This can result in us saying yes to projects that we are not really interested in, or worse, to “opportunities” that take us further away from our goal of being an actor.

Yes, sometimes it is necessary to accept an offer for a non-acting related day -job because you need to pay your rent. And yes, sometimes there is value in accepting a role you are less than thrilled about in order to work with a director or company you admire. Life is full of complicated, hard decisions. But we should never forget that saying no can be just as exciting as saying yes.

“No” is not a negative word. It is a positive word that indicates that we know what we want, and that we have the confidence and dedication to accept nothing less. Every time you say no, you are giving the universe a signal that you want something other than what you have been given. Saying no, is a way of asking for what you really want. So forget the fear and the guilt, embrace your inner toddler, and remember the affection you once felt for “no.”

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You've Got Your Degree! Now What?

WRITTEN BY THEATRE EAST ASSOCIATE COMPANY MEMBER RYAN TROUT

There is a panic that sets in, shallow as it may start out, the moment that one graduates from College. Sure, the celebrations are festive, the meals are delicious, and the words of encouragement overflow without end in sight, but there is something beneath all of that, at least in my experience, that can only be labeled as Panic. Not the acute form, the one that robs you of logic in a flash, but the chronic kind, that stews beneath all that you do, say, or think. It is ever present, and it can rob your life if you let it.

When I first graduated from NYU Tisch with a degree in theater this past May, that’s exactly what happened. I allowed this panic to rob me of my life and to convince me that I wasn’t a theater artist, that I wasn’t deserving of my degree, and that I would work in retail for the rest of my life. This may all sound hyperbolic, but it was real, and it was how I felt.

My path to battling this Panic, to loving my craft and my calling to it, has been fraught with insecurity and fear. In the 9 months (already?!) since I graduated, I have been presented head on with a challenge that is seemingly innocuous yet terrifying in its inevitability: life outside the boundaries of formal education.

If we’re going to throw out a disclaimer, let it be that most of the time I’m not so great at this. I forget things (including, for a while, the deadline of this post), sleep through my alarm, and miss doctor’s appointments. For a time, it was InsecureRyan’s prime chance to pounce on SecureRyan’s, well, security. I would be unnecessarily harsh on myself and no good would come from that. But wisdom, or at the very least, patience, comes only with time. I may not be very wise or patient as of now, and I may forget this whole “brushing your teeth” thing every once in a while, but I’m trying. I go to auditions, I write when I can, and I cook up a storm. Life is hard postgraduation, there is no denying that. But it’s not insurmountable, and it’s not fate throwing you an evil side eye. It’s life, and it’s rewarding when you least expect it.

So I won’t give up. I won’t back down. And I’ll love myself through it all.

Let the real education begin.

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An Actress Goes to Court

WRITTEN BY THEATRE EAST COMPANY MEMBER EVELYN SPAHR

When I had to go to jury duty, I was not feeling so happy. I walked into the courthouse and was escorted to a holding room. Two hundred chairs filled with people who visibly did NOT want to be there. The Wi-fi sucked. The vending machine was broken. They only had Coke, no Pepsi. Basically the worst thing EVER.

After five hours and a total binge fest on Checkers fries and a burger, I was summoned to go to one of the fifth floor court rooms. I was listening to the judge, but my back kind of hurt, the guy next to me smelled, and a closer view of the attractive attorney's ring finger told me he was married. With that piece of information retrieved, I was ready to leave.

Then, this really weird thing happened. The judge asked the defendant to stand up and greet us. He turned and, directly staring at me, smiled and waved.

Now, I have told this incident to a lot of people. When I tell them that that moment made me want to drop whatever else was going on in my life and serve as a juror on that case, the general response is that I was nuts.

So why did I do it?

First off,  I saw someone scared, embarrassed, and a bit shy. Do those feelings sound familiar? YEAH, they seem familiar to me too! I have them allllll time. They made me extremely aware of his humanity and our interconnectedness. I felt compassion for him and I wanted to help.

Secondly, pride and a sense of duty welled up inside of me. Hundreds of years ago, a group of people believed so deeply in the power of the individual that they made participation in government not only a right for every citizen but also a responsibility. Serving as juror is one of the most ultimate ways of embodying the American Dream.

I eventually was picked (yay!) and I served as Juror Number 5. We found him guilty of the charge. One juror cried. Another needed a beer. Others, including myself, didn't say a word and just left. I say I left because I was busy. To be honest, the whole thing left me with a lot to think about in a very private way.

Before I left though, I returned to the waiting room. My initial apathy had blinded me from noticing  that a huge sculpture hung from the ceiling. It depicted a man on a diving board that was being held down by a semi circle of twelve chairs. I felt bad for the man but I also realized that he was safe as long as those chairs were filled. From that moment on, I promised, that whenever I'm called, I would be there to fill one of those chairs for the sake of a fellow American, and I ask that you consider doing the same. You'll feel better about yourself, pinky swear.

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