WRITTEN BY THEATRE EAST COMPANY MEMBER CASEY HAYES-DEATSThere is a reason why all toddlers go through a period when “no” is their favorite word. It is a simple, yet powerful, word that allows us to exercise control over our own experiences for the first time. “No, I don’t want to go to bed.” “No, I don’t want to eat my vegetables.” “No, I will not share my toy.” Ironically, as we get older, and arguably have more sense as to what experiences are in our best interest, we forget the affection we once felt for “no.” We become afraid of the word. We feel guilty for using it. We agree to dates we don’t want to go on. We accept responsibilities we aren't interested in having.
As an actor, I think it is especially easy to forget the joy of “no." We face so much rejection on a day-to-day basis that we become desperate for an opportunity to hear and say, “Yes!” This can result in us saying yes to projects that we are not really interested in, or worse, to “opportunities” that take us further away from our goal of being an actor.
Yes, sometimes it is necessary to accept an offer for a non-acting related day -job because you need to pay your rent. And yes, sometimes there is value in accepting a role you are less than thrilled about in order to work with a director or company you admire. Life is full of complicated, hard decisions. But we should never forget that saying no can be just as exciting as saying yes.
“No” is not a negative word. It is a positive word that indicates that we know what we want, and that we have the confidence and dedication to accept nothing less. Every time you say no, you are giving the universe a signal that you want something other than what you have been given. Saying no, is a way of asking for what you really want. So forget the fear and the guilt, embrace your inner toddler, and remember the affection you once felt for “no.”
Casey: I agree completely with you. Because we so often hear "no," we rejoice when we hear "yes," even if it's not the right thing for us. We've all been there, and we've all done it. This is an excellent reminder that we do, indeed, have control over our options and our careers.
ReplyDeleteTrue, sometimes we do take parts that we're less than thrilled with because we want to work with a particular director or theater company. But when we do this, we are still exercising control over our careers.
I have told myself to wait for the right project (because it will come) to keep working hard at what I love and to say "no" when things just aren't right for me. Doing a project you hate because nothing else is happening isn't a good enough reason to do it. In fact, it does more harm than good.
Thanks for this!